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23 January 2011

La Guitarra - Part 1

Since February of 2010, due to lack of any other mental stimulation, I've been fabricating a guitar.

Not just any guitar,
The Guitar:

An entirely bookmatched Walnut, Rock Maple, Alder, and African Padauk blend of electric, neck-through awesomeness.
The Epitome of all things sonic, auditory, musical, and awesome.
The Cutting Edge of Merciless Shredding that will blow womens' clothes off whenever you strike a chord.
A guitar so rock-tastic, even Van Halen and the band of miscreants known as Metallica will spontaneously combust if they come near it.
Those who consider themselves a hard-core rock fan tremble in the sonic wake of its menacing presence.
It's a beast of a masterpiece One year into the making and it will make your ears bleed.

The ENTIRE Body has been painstakingly crafted by hand. No plans have been drawn for this: it was built with no premeditated thought. This Guitar is unique. Original. And the only one of its kind on the planet.
Every feature of its physical existence is custom cut, carved, and sanded to fit One pair of hands as if it were a vestigial extension of your hands.

Its body is literally smoother than glass. Never before have you seen wood reflect the light like a mirror, or see your reflection grinning back at you as you appreciate the handcrafted beauty. You have a higher chance of getting a splinter from typing an essay on a Mac than you do from handling this instrument.

The fretless ebony fretboard is a blank wall waiting for the baddest graffiti artist to come and fill it with the color of sound.
The custom, hand-inlayed padauk/pearl will remind you that this guitar is more precious than your grandmothers' wedding ring, your liver, and left kidney combined. and that it was worth trading it in for this guitar after all.